Liz Slingsby

From the beginning of our lives, we develop a certain sense of ‘self’ – a persona or identity we present to the world. Based upon the influences, conditioning, and often trauma we experienced as we grew up, we develop our ideas about what’s right or wrong, safe or dangerous, acceptable or not. We learn ways of being and beliefs about ourselves and the world that become unconsciously ingrained in our being and how we go on to live out our lives. We may learn to ‘be good’ to get love, that we shouldn’t express ourselves, it’s not safe to love, or that it’s not ok to be who we really are.

We pack all of this into our unconscious, and lose sight of whether these beliefs and the identity we develop around them really work for us as we move through life.

These beliefs and our attachment to this identity get compounded as certain aspects of our personalities get negative responses through life. We get burned, ridiculed, hurt, told were not good enough, told how to behave, and even punished, re-enforcing our belief that there are aspects of our being we should keep hidden from the world. So we sit on our anger, we hide our sexuality, we deny our sensitivity, we tell ourselves we are really not nice people if we have any kind of ‘negative’ or ‘unacceptable’ thought. We push these parts of us away from awareness into the unconscious where they form the shadow, the dark side our personality.

What happens then is, we move through life from behind the masks that we develop to protect these deep wounds, and to hide the parts of our being we believe we should deny. We develop patterns of behaviour that keep us small, limit our experience of life, our ability to be who we really are, and to live the life we really want to live.

We do anything to defend and protect this identity and hold on to all of its dysfunctional because our belief that this is who we really are, or should be, has become so ingrained that the thought of letting it go or giving up the masks and revealing all of who we are can feel so threatening it’s like facing the prospect of annihilation or even death.

Yet to expose and accept our shadow is one of the most freeing and healing things we can do for ourselves. By owning our shadow, we re-own our whole self, and take back our real authentic power to live in a beautiful state and create what we want in life.

“The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our own shadow onto others.” – Carl.Jung

It can often be challenging to admit and expose our shadow side, to overcome those beliefs and barriers that keep us small, make us wrong, tell us it’s not safe.

But the cost if we don’t at best is that it comes out as dysfunction in our lives – exclusion, loneliness, shame, and at worst we project it out onto others as blame, judgement, anger and violence (even if that is only in our thoughts).

According to Jung, the degree to which we judge or condemn, is the degree to which we are unconscious of the same thing in ourselves.

“Everything that irritates us about others, can lead us to understanding ourselves.” – Carl Jung

So rather than living from a false sense of self, a false sense of power, we can take back our authentic power by taking personal responsibility to change the patterns of behaviour that get displayed as a result of not owning our shadow.

By taking personal responsibility to bring these elements of our shadow into the light of consciousness, we take back the enormous power they have over us.

 “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung

Instead of our lives being run from behind our mask of identities and defences based on old conditioning, we can free up all the energy that it takes us to supress and deny ourselves, and through acceptance of what is, we find clarity in the present moment.

When we look within and enquire what aspects of our selves we are denying, with awareness we can begin to create a different story and make different choices from a place of real authentic power and connection to what is true in the moment, rather than our actions being informed by hidden thoughts and beliefs.

Integration of our shadow and ownership of all parts of ourselves also means we begin to know who we truly are. We find our own personal integrity, what we truly want, what our are boundaries for what we will accept from others and life. From this place of connection to ourselves, we can express clearly and authentically what we want and need, and we suddenly give life and people the opportunity to respond with much more ease to that clarity and connection.

So, when we own our shadow, we may at first feel exposed and shameful, but what actually happens eventually is that we:

• Stop playing out the dysfunctional behaviours that keep us from having what we want in life
• Stop judging blaming and criticising others
• Start feeling more empowered to take ownership of our thoughts feelings and actions
• Start making better clearer decision that support us, and support a better society
• Start to get clearer in who we are and what we want, and life responds
• Feel more complete, whole, and accepting of ourselves and others

At our next one-day workshop, we will explore and expose the shadow side of our ‘self’s, so that we may own it  rather than have it haunt us and hold us back we can embrace and accept the wholeness of our being.

• Are you ready to un-peal the layers of your beliefs and defences?
• Are your willing to expose your shadow side?
• Are you willing to let go of your mask of ‘identity’, of being ‘a good boy’ or ‘little miss perfect’?
• Are you willing to stay in that place without running from it or making it wrong?
• Are you willing to trust that you will not dissolve, and allow the freedom and possibilities available to you when you let all of this go?

 

If your answer is yes, or you would even just like to begin to explore this side of yourself, come along to our next one-day workshop:

Date: Saturday 20^th October

Time: Arrive 9.30am for 10.00 start. Finish 17.30

Venue:  Eveline Day School, Swan House, 207 Balham High Rd, London SW17 7BQ,

Cost £65

Spaces are limited so please book now to avoid disappointment 

 Refreshments will be available.

Lunch is not included, but a delicious option of a healthy clean plant-based lunch will be available to pre-order from Lu-Ma (details provided upon registration).

Alternatively, there are other options are available nearby.

All are welcome, whether you have attended a previous Penninghame Process or not.

With Love

The Penninghame Team

You can listen to more on this subject here, as Jordan Peterson talks about integrating your shadow self.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate” – Carl Jung

 

The Penninghame Process can be a quite an emotional ride! So we know how important it is for you to have great food that gives you all the energy and delicious nutritious support you need to get you through the week.

We also understand that food in our daily lives can be a comfort, a crutch, something familiar that we run to when things get though (and it IS likely to get tough on the Penninghame Process!) So the thought of leaving behind those usual devices can also add to the anxiety of embarking on such a big journey into the unknown realms your inner world, and all that it may uncover for you to deal with.

To add to that, this unhealthy relationship to food, and the inner drive to master a more healthy, happy way of moving through life, not dependant on a sugar fix or boozy binge to get you through the next crisis, is also one of the top reasons why people want to embark on this journey to begin with. But that doesn’t make it any easier to take the plunge and leave the chocolate biscuits at home does it?! We get it .

So let us explain a little about how the food on the course is actually going to be one of your biggest supporters. It could in fact change your life if you simply came long and just ate the food. Here’s why:

At Penninghame we are dedicated to offering you a balanced, clean, highly nutritional, mainly plant based diet, which is specifically designed to support you energetically and emotionally through your process.

That means no processed foods, no meat, no diary, no refined sugars, and no alcohol. But we promise that you won’t even notice! The food is so bright, fresh and uplifting, and offers such a welcome hearty boost just when you need it, that you will feel more like you are being treated than deprived.

What we believe, is that what we eat, and our emotional and physical health and are inextricably linked. Both what we eat, and the emotional healing work we do, can have a profound healing effect on the physical ‘di-eases’ that show up in our physical health. If we start eating well, we support our physical and emotional bodies, to heal, and support ourselves to live vitally, healthily and happily.

The power of a plant based diet to support this healing has long been practiced and proven, which is why we care so much about offering it as just one of the opportunities the Penninghame Process will give you to change your life.

The Japanese have been healing themselves physically and emotionally using macrobiotic cooking principles for hundreds of years. But here is one of our favourite current speakers on the topic. Dr Michael Greger, who adds a bit of science, as well as an entertaining speaking style to the case.

Dr Greger is a licensed as a general practitioner specializing in clinical nutrition, a New York Times bestselling author, and internationally recognized speaker on nutrition, food safety, and public health issues. Both his latest books, How Not to Die and the How Not to Die Cookbook, became instant New York Times Best Sellers.

He speaks here about the fact that only one diet has ever been proven to reverse heart disease in the majority of patients, a diet centered around whole plant foods. And the fact that it can also be effective in preventing, arresting, and reversing other leading killers like type 2 diabetes, and hypertension

Greger says that “Plant-based diets may now be considered the nutritional equivalent of quitting smoking.” and encourages us “not to wait for open-heart surgery to start eating healthy as well. Until the system changes, we have to take personal responsibility for our own health, for our family’s health. We can’t wait until society catches up to the science again, because it’s a matter of life and death.”

Following the plant based diet for the short time you are at Penninghame can have a dramatic effect on how you feel energetically, emotionally, and physically, and could just give you the boost you need to start taking personal responsibility for your health and making the changes you need to for your health for good.

In fact you will probably feel so good after the delicious delights that have been served all week, that making the changes you want to make will come with ease and excitement, as you leave the Process inspired and renewed!

After saying all that, we couldn’t possibly go without mentioning our 2 expert chefs, who pour their years of wisdom, passion, energy and love into every meal in order to help support you through the Process. Here is a little about them:

About our Chefs:

Kenneth Prange – Teacher and Health Consultant

With 40 years experience, Ken has an extraordinary knowledge of, Macrobiotic principles, of foods and their effect on the body. This lifelong learning is transmitted to people with a great passion and energy, enthusing all to look at their own food and lifestyle choices and see where they can be changed for the better.

Ken’s passion for food, healing and oriental diagnosis started back in the 70s, at the  Community Health Foundation, in London’s Old Street. Learning under the macrobiotic gurus of the time, Michio and Aveline Kushi, the desire for knowledge grew strongly and Ken soon moved to work and study at the Macrobiotic Institute of Berlin. It was here that Ken spent the next seven years studying, first to become a Naturopath (Heilpraktiker) and then the in-depth skills associated with Traditional Chinese Medicine, including amongst others, Acupuncture and Moxibustion.

Prompted by his wife Angela, Ken started to give Macrobiotic nutritional and lifestyle consultations in Italy in 1992, which now, after 25 years has expanded to several European countries. His work experience also profits from the 4 years of intense activity at the famous Sha Wellness Clinic in Alicante, Spain.

Currently Ken teaches the 4 levels of Macrobiotic study in Valencia and he is one of the few senior Macrobiotic teacher/consultants in Europe active at this time.

Since leaving the Macrobiotic Institute in Berlin, Ken has set up several successful whole food gourmet restaurants in Italy and Germany with his wife Angela and worked as Camp Director on the English and Scottish One World Summer Camps.

Ken’s other studies include: Iridology, Regressional Hypnosis, Ear Acupuncture and Silva Mind control.

Angela Agrati Prange 

Just 20 years old and still a student, opened her first restaurant along with some young friends. It is at this time she discovers, develops and cultivates her passion for food as a great way towards health, as well as a feast for the eyes and the palate. In USA California she graduates as a macrobiotic chef and specialises in curative cooking with her great Japanese teachers Herman and Cornelia Aihara. After 2 years of learning experience, in the United States, she comes back to Europe and  for the next 30 years shares and enriches her knowledge and talent in vegetarian macrobiotic restaurants, in the macrobiotic centre of Berlin, in alternative medicine centres and as a private chef for international celebrities. She trained and formed many young chefs who were inspired from her creativity and her technique. Finally after almost 3 years of collaboration with SHA Wellness Clinic,  www.shawellnessclinic.com   as macrobiotic head chef, she decided to go back to her home country, Italy, and dedicate herself to teach healthy cooking through cooking classes and talks and to consult natural food restaurants and cafeterias.

In recent years she has been the culinary trainer and consultor of the Happy M kitchen www.happymkitchen.se  in Gothenburg Sweden, Lu-Ma café www.lu-ma.co.uk  in Wimbledon-London, England and the Green Shelters www.thegreenshelters.com  in Madrid, Spain. She continues to be the executive head chef of the One world Festival www.oneworldcamp.com  in England.

Her extensive knowledge on the subject, her enthusiasm and her professionalism has always generated fervour and passion for good food to diners and participants of her cooking classes. Finally she has now taken the time to write her cookbook, titled: Cooking with Angela, delicious macrobiotic and vegan recipes for everyday cooking. This has been published in the Russian language and in English. An Italian version is also on the way. Angela speaks her mother language Italian, fluent English, good German and Spanish.

 

Are you suffering with the invisible disease #Fibromyalgia
Maybe the answers are deep within?

Maybe you can unlock the pain held within you and be free?

We would like to share with you Sarah’s inspiring story of hope…

We hope you’re are all glowing from inside to out during this wonderful time of summer we are being blessed with.

It seems to be a time when nations neighbourhoods and families are coming together, whether that be to enjoy the comradery of the football, or the wonderful weather and all the opportunities that brings to get outside and have some fun together.

With all this positivity about, and so many appealing options of things to do, you may have noticed that you have less time or inclination for your normal daily spiritual practices.

Well we’re here to say, that’s perfectly ok. When it comes to your spiritual practice, summer can also be a great time to go with the flow, do what feels good, and have some fun with it.

So, we wanted to share with you a few simple tips about how to weave the spirit of summer into your spiritual practice, so that it can a special part of your summer too.

 

1. Get your summer groove on

Spiritual practice doesn’t have to be rigid, you don’t always have to follow a set pattern or formula. Do you feel like doing some yoga in the park, reading on the beach, dancing round your garden to your favourite feel good songs, or simply taking a gentle quiet stroll round a lake. Doing whatever feels nourishing and good for you, is also part of your spiritual practice. Awareness here is the key. Do whatever makes you feel good, but simply remember to add some intention around it, to notice what you are doing and why, and then take a few moments to feel gratitude for whatever that was and whatever it brought you. Spiritual practice for the day, tick.

It could be as simple as, today I am choosing to take a long bike ride in the forest, because seeing the sun dapple through the trees, and feeling the breeze on my skin makes me feel free and refreshed, and I notice afterwards how the niggling thoughts I had about work that day, have shifted into a fresh energy and some brand new creative thoughts about the best next action to take.

Simply by doing this, you will notice so much more of how your summer activities have nourished and enhanced your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

 

2. Make the most of your motivation

Summer can bring with it a fresh new sense of optimism, positivity, get up and go. So make the most of it! This is a time to try some new things. Is there a new activity you have been wanting to do, a new health plan, even trying a new water sport, or is there a new more nurturing daily routine you have been meaning to get going with? Do it now! Just like we have all been yelling at our screens at the England team – take the shot now! You don’t want to get to the end of your 90 minutes of summer and feel like you let your chances slip the net. Now is the time make a start on putting into action all of those things on your vision for your life and your wellbeing. All the things that you just didn’t have the opportunity or energy to start when the nights were long and dark and the weekends were dull and grey. Don’t waste time with judgement as to what you have or haven’t yet done, just enjoy the moments you have now and make the most of them. You can also see this as setting yourself up with the best foundation to carry on your new found hobbies, or spiritual practices when the nights start drawing in again.

 

3. Be easy breezy with your practices

Summer is all about enjoying yourself, and that goes for your spiritual practice too. But we can still find ourselves getting triggered, or stuck in our thoughts, as normal life does still go on and have a habit of sneaking up and spoiling our sense of inner ease. So it is important to still maintain a regular spiritual practice as it will help you to have something in place to shift back into your summer groove as quickly as possible. But that doesn’t mean it has to be a big exercise, or take away from enjoying your summer days. Choose a practice that is easy for you to practice at any time, like gratitude. Let’s face it, it’s not that difficult at this time of year to find things to be grateful for. Washing that dries outdoors in a matter of hours and smells fresh for days, playing in the freshly cut grass in the park with your family, a chirpy smile from someone in the grocery store. The opportunities to feel grateful are so abundant, all you have to do is take a few moments each day to really notice and acknowledge them. A few minutes journaling this in the garden in the evening can be a great way to enjoy this practice, and really turn up the temperature on your awareness and enjoyment of this wonderful time of year.

To support this practice, we would also like to share with you a beautiful meditation on gratitude from the teachers at O&O Academy, which you can also practice and enjoy any time anywhere.

The festive season can often bring much merriment and cheer, but we know and understand that for many, it can also be a very difficult time of the year.

Many of you may relate to thoughts such as:

• Christmas makes me feel so empty. It brings it home to me everything I don’t have.
• I can’t cope with my family over Christmas, they are so difficult and inconsiderate, we always end up having arguments. I just don’t have a good time.
• I’ve got so many problems and so much to deal with, how can I get happy about Christmas.
• I feel so lonely at Christmas, everyone else seems to have what I want, how can I feel happy and complete when so much is missing.
• There are so many demands on my time over Christmas, I can’t please everyone and people make me feel so guilty if I can’t spend time with them.
• Christmas just reminds me that another year has passed and I’m still stuck in the same old rut and nothing has changed yet again, I wish Christmas was over so I don’t have to deal with all these feelings.

All of these are quite common thoughts and feelings to have around the festive season, but the good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. We pick up and develop this kind of thinking throughout our lives unconsciously, but it is possible to change our thinking and how we feel over the Christmas period. It is possible to take back control of how you feel, and have an experience of Christmas that is filled with ease and joy, or at the very least, much less stress and turmoil.

So, here is our 4 step AA rescue plan for beating the festive blues, and shifting your experience of the festive season

1. Appreciation

You’ve herd the phase “there is always something to feel grateful for”, right? But in all honestly, when you feel low, it can just sound like some cheesy throw-away line, and you don’t really believe that finding things to be grateful for will make any difference at all. But we’re not simply saying ‘think of the many other people in the world who have it a whole lot worse than you, and be grateful for what you have’. Everyone has their own struggles and challenges, and just because others may be apparently ‘worse’, that doesn’t make your feelings invalid.

However, if you really focus on finding things in your life you can appreciate, things that are relevant and personal to you, the climate of thoughts and feelings that you create in your life will begin to change, and you will feel the effects of this. What you will actually experience on a day to day basis, is less of the negative thoughts that you don’t enjoy, and more of the happier more enjoyable thoughts and feelings that you do want. It is as simple and logical as that. Spending time appreciating the things you have to feel grateful for, actually shifts your experience of life. There may well still be some big issues you want to address in your life, but at least you have done something about making a start to shift your mindset and how you feel on a daily basis, and when you are coming from a place of acknowledging what is good, you will naturally start to feel, create and attract more of that. You are also much more likely to be effective in addressing the issues you want to overcome if you are not stuck in focusing on your negative thoughts which are by their nature, not going to help you in changing the situation you want to change.

So, give yourself the gift of savouring any small moment or thing that you can find to feel appreciation for over the festive season.  Maybe it’s the beauty of nature on a crisp winters day, or savouring some time to relax on cosy days or nights in. It could be something as small as enjoying a few kind words and a smile exchanged with a shop assistant amidst all the Christmas rush. Whatever it is, simply spending a few moments appreciating the feelings of joy, pleasure, love, or whatever the feeling is that arises in you when you experience this thing, and enjoy it. When you shift your thinking from what is lacking, to the abundance of things to be grateful for that are there, your whole experience shifts. It doesn’t have to be a big exercise, just try to do this little and often, or when you catch yourself thinking negatively. Gradually you will notice that you are feeling happier more and more often.

2. Acceptance

We all have our images and expectations around what would be the perfect Christmas. The perfect family meal, the perfect thoughtful gift from a partner, appreciative helpful children, considerate relatives that are a pleasure to be around, chatting and laughing around a log fire, playing games and having fun together with no tension or arguments. But very often our experience doesn’t live up to our expectations, and we find ourselves spending much of the time frustrated and wishing things were different. How would it be if you were to drop all these expectations you have around the festive season? That might sound difficult, or even unreasonable to do. The fairy tale images are everywhere! And Surely its ok to want to have a loving family and a happy Christmas and all that comes with that? Of course it is, but the truth is, all the time you spend wishing things were different, you are closing yourself from the possibility of experiencing more of what it is you want, and missing out on the golden moments that are there available for you to enjoy.

With this in mind, try noticing the moments you drift into wishing things were different, and try for a moment to let the expectations go and see what opening arises. The situation might not be the perfect image in your mind, but simply the act of dropping the expectations releases the futility and frustration and allows an opening for you to experience something different.

This could be as simple as letting go of the expectation to have a perfectly tidy house, and not worrying about the wrapping paper all over the floor, so that you can actually enjoy your children opening their presents. Or dropping the expectation for everyone to play the board game you want to play, and instead enjoying a family film together.

This doesn’t mean you have to accept situations that are really uncomfortable or unpleasant for you, and despite all your best intentions, and efforts to change your thoughts and expectations, there will inevitably be things that happen that challenge your festive glow.

Your mother-in-law sulks if you don’t invite her round for Christmas dinner, your father in law drinks too much and starts insulting people at the dinner table, your wife doesn’t seem to appreciate the thoughtful gift you got her, and instead she seems stressed and snappy with you, or you feel like no one helps with anything all day and you feel completely invisible. All the kinds of things that do not make for a very calm and cool Yule. But joking aside, the things that may seem small in the grand scheme of things normally, can actually cause a lot of tension, and even conflict and division between family members at this time of year.

In these situations it is important to not waste your energy in resistance and frustration, if only for the sake of your own sanity.

What that means is, not responding with sarcasm, reacting in haste or anger to someone else’s comment, not jumping in to criticise someone else’s behaviour. Instead take a step back, and sprinkle in a little acceptance to these situations. What this does is allow you to create a space before you react, and before you end up feeling stressed, angered or upset.

With that, what acceptance also brings, is the essence of equal dignity. If we bring equal dignity into the situation, this means that we understand that everyone has an equal right to their own wants and needs, within reason. We may not like it, we may not agree, but we can choose not to let other people or situations negatively impact how we feel. So if your mother in law is sulking for not being invited for Christmas dinner, recognise that is her choice to sulk, just as it is yours not to invite her. She is may unfortunately cause herself negative feelings and stress over it, but you don’t need to let that affect you. If you can come to this acceptance, quite often the heat in a situation is diffused and you are much more able to either not let situations or people impact how you feel, or to act in a way that is more useful in resolving the situation.

3. Acts of kindness

It really is true that you get back what you give, and more so. Through the act of giving, the gifts you receive are just as great as that which you gave.

Have you ever reflected on those small moments of mutual recognition and connection that happen when a small random act of kindness occurs? Like the grateful glance you exchange when you help pick up the contents of a fellow frazzled shoppers bag as they drop it all over the floor, they are grateful someone cared and took the time to help them, and you feel equally happy to have been able to lighten someone else’s load, and for the appreciation they showed.

There are countless moments in any day when it is possible to perform small acts of kindness, not only contributing to brightening someone else’s day, but also in turn contributing to your experience of feeling more connection and more joy.

Could you shovel your elderly neighbours footpath or take them a mince pie, show some empathy and appreciation to a busy postal worker, add some items to the local foodbank collection, or simply say how much you appreciate something someone has done for you? Try performing at least 5 small acts of kindness a day and notice the difference it makes to the amount of positive feelings you experience, it’s the Christmas gift that keeps on giving, and it doesn’t have to cost a thing.

4. Action

If you are doing the 3 things we have already discussed, you are already probably well on your way to diffusing your negative feelings around the festive season, and feelings of blame and resentment are probably much less a feature of your experience. And you are also already doing this next stage, which is taking personal responsibility and taking action.

Just as you have been choosing to take some steps to change your thoughts and experience of the festive period, it is also important to remember that it is your choice, and your personal responsibility to take action if there a something you would like to change.

Remembering that how you think feel and act is your personal responsibility alone, means that you take back your own power to change things, rather than giving that power away and feeling like the victim of someone else’s behaviour or some outside circumstance.

This means taking responsibility for doing what it is that you want to do, or asking for what it is that you need. It could be saying no to an invite over Christmas, when you previously might have said yes even though you didn’t want to accept. Or it could mean asking for some help with the dinner, rather than simply expecting it to happen. It may be that the person or situation still doesn’t change, but even then, you always have a choice about how you think, feel, and react. So you may choose not to spend time with certain people over the festive period, or to take a walk when you feel you need to take a break from people. Remembering you have this choice means that you are able to avoid getting caught up in blame, judgement, criticism and other negative thinking, and drop any of that attachment and expectation on others, which allows you to enjoy moving through the festive period with much more ease.

 

All of these practices are things that we recommend to do daily, and even more so at this time of year, they will serve you well as you navigate through what can be a tricky time.

Here a previous participant share’s about their experience of Christmas after applying these techniques:

“Before I went to Penninghame, I used to dread Christmas, and all the feelings of loneliness, lack, disappointment, and inadequacy that it would bring up. It was like heading into a depression that I knew was coming every single year. I would literally cry most days for about a month before, and have to excuse myself throughout family occasions at Christmas because I would get so overwhelmed by these feelings, and I couldn’t seem to do anything to change any of this. In fact I only succeeded in making it worse for myself. I was not a pleasure to be around at that time of year. In fact I made it so much worse for myself. I would be snappy, and just want to get away from people. I would ultimately be hiding myself away and making having the happy times I wanted to have, even less of a possibility.

But the tools I have learned from Penninghame have completely shifted my experience of Christmas. It took me a little while to apply them consistently, so there were still a few secret tears shed over the first Christmas I had after Penninghame, although it was still a lot better than before. It felt a little like my old ways of thinking clung on a bit, and since I only got to apply my newly learned techniques once a year at Christmas, my old thoughts about Christmas seemed to think they could sneak back up on me. But after year 2, they could really see I meant it, and they were no longer needed, and since then my experience of Christmas has been full of much more peace and calm, and all the wonderful feelings I was always missing. ”

 

Wishing you a Christmas of joy and connection

With love, the Penninghame Team

“There seems to be a commonly held mindset, or some ingrained societal belief, that when something else happens in life, we will finally be happy. Certainly that was the expectation I had before I came to Penninghame……I’ll be happy when my partner finally commits, I’ll be happy when we have a nice house, I’ll be happy when I change my job, when my friends listen to me more, when my family respect me etc etc!  *You can fill in your own expectations of life*.

I was frustrated, and quite frankly, miffed with the deal life was serving up to me. How was it that it seemed to be everyone I knew was finding happiness, getting married, living a ‘perfect’ life? What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me? Even some people who I thought weren’t very nice managed to achieve all these things, so surely I deserve all that too?

So, I just needed to figure out what I needed to do to get all of those things to change, then I would be ok with life.

As righteous and comfortable as all this was to believe, the reality was that all of these ideas and expectations were actually only serving to frustrate and hinder me in life. They certainly weren’t helping me to achieve any of my goals. But I still couldn’t let go of them. I had heard before that happiness doesn’t come from the outside, that you have to love yourself before someone else can love you, that you create your own destiny, and I figured there must be some sense in all that given that my current way of thinking clearly wasn’t working for me. But I was struggling to really believe these new ideas because there was still no difference turning up in my life or in how I felt.

I can’t really explain what happened on the Penninghame Process that helped me to truly see and embrace the power of personal responsibility. Maybe it was the countless times the teachings were shared with such patience, understanding, and unwavering faith. Maybe it was the fact that I could really see that whatever these people were all talking about, it was truly working for them in their lives. Maybe it was something that dropped in as a result of one of the many processes during which I was so safely held while I expressed and unpicked all of the nitty gritty I really believed about myself and the world. I have a feeling it was a combination of all of those uniquely special things.

But something really did shift in me, I truly understood that the power to be happy is always within me, that it is always my choice, my personal responsibility. No one else is, or even could make me happy, its all about what I choose to think, feel, and do, and that is all up to me and me alone.

I truly did not expect this. How could me taking MORE responsibility for my life and my feelings result in me feeling more empowered, more free, more happy. I had spent so long being great at showing a strong independent face to the world, but really feeling sorry for myself that I had supported myself emotionally and financially for so long, I was sure the answer laid in someone else finally taking care of all of that for me. But at last I was able to see how dis-empowering and frankly ineffective all of that story I had been telling myself was, and what a relief that was! Suddenly whatever laid ahead of me seemed a lot brighter and easier, as my new understanding immediately took the pressure off of everything else in my life to make me happy.

Of course, I still want to create all those things in my life. But now that I am now not approaching achieving them from a sense of neediness, the whole process of life feels much more natural and enjoyable. And of course, that rubs off on the people around me, my relationships, my work. As  I am stronger and yet more at ease, it allows people and opportunities to come into my life more easily, helping to create more of the very same things I wanted before but from an authentic place, with ease, rather than force, expectation and neediness.

This is just one of many unconscious beliefs I had that were not serving my life, which I managed to unpick and let go of through the Penninghame Process. It was literally like a re-wiring of my brain. I did have my doubts whether I would have the inner strength to maintain these new beliefs. But for me, what I took from the course, has not only stuck, but it has strengthened and gradually completely changed how I experience my life. It was like once I saw what I saw, I couldn’t un-see it, and it actually hasn’t’ been hard to hold on to, because my new understanding has continued to serve and support me in my life.

So I really do thank the Penninghame Process for not fixing me, for the gift of not spoon feeding me the answers, but for gently showing me the way for me to realise what I needed to by myself. ”

 5 mantras to help you to take back your own power

1. I have a choice

Notice whenever you feel challenged, disempowered, or low, and remember that you have a choice. How to act or react, what thoughts to think, even how you feel. No matter how unfair the situation seems, how helpless, how much it seems like someone else’s fault, never give away your power, there is always a choice.

2. I let go of expectation

I want what I want, I want it my way, and I want it now! Thinking this way only creates negativity and resistance to creating what you want in your life. When you let go of expecting things to be a certain way, you get out of your own way, you stop spending time on wishing things were different, which means you are back in the game, your energy can be spent on taking effective choices and actions to get you what you want rather than being stuck in an unfulfilling waiting game.

3. I am grateful for all the blessings in my life

When we spend time really appreciating all there is to be grateful for in our lives, our outlook naturally becomes more positive. As we then spend more time focusing on the things which are valuable, meaningful and good in our lives, our energy is being spent on creating more of these things, rather than wasting it on negative or unhelpful thoughts.

4. I am powerful

Whenever you are feeling powerless, wishing someone would do something for you, wishing life was easier, just remember all you have achieved in your life so far. Whoever you are or whatever you have achieved, you have overcome many challenges, and created everything you have in your life. You may still wish things were easier. But in these moments, even just choosing the remembrance that you have the power in your life will help to shift your thinking back from resistance to how things are, which will have no positive impact on your situation, to moving back into your sense of feeling empowered to get on and do what needs to be done.

5. I love myself

As cheesy as it sounds, this works. Whenever you feel like you are needing love from someone else, say this to yourself. Don’t just say it though, really feel the warm comforting feeling that comes from giving this to yourself. It’s ok to want to feel loved, we all do, and we are all worthy of love. It’s just that it doesn’t come from others by expecting or needing it to be given. Once we realise that we are truly loveable, and treat ourselves that way, then others can sense that, and they will then be more able to show you love too. And the bonus is, we can then truly enjoy feeling the love of another, rather than clinging onto it to fill a void in ourselves.

Blessings, empowerment, and love

The Penninghame Team